This morning I was a ball of stress, from head to toe. I hated it and I couldn't figure out where it had come from. Last night I was so energized, calm and slept like a rock. Where did this stress come from before I even walked out the door? By the time I arrived at work, I was already counting down the hours to the hot room. I NEEDED this class. Knowing Sywann was teaching again was an extra plus. Well, a lot of people needed class today, because the normally smaller 4pm class was packed to capacity. What resulted from all of those extra bodies you ask?? Extra heat, yes it was HOT, HOT, HOT. I could hear the heat blowing at one point and I just wanted to cry out, can someone turn the heat down just a tad, please? While HOT and that much more of a challenge to keep focused on something other than the heat, I was pleased to not find total exhaustion at the end. I was still able to put that extra "umph" into the final postures. Funny thing is, I think the entire class was feeling the extreme heat today and were all individually still putting our full effort into our practice. There was a moment at the end of one of the more difficult floor poses, where the entire room let out this grunting sigh of an exhale at the release of the pose...all in unison. Sywann even commented that we were tiring her out after that and gently reminded us to keep breathing through the postures. The community of exertion in that room tonight was motivating in a way...Yes! I am not the only one feeling the heat today, you are not alone...keep going. Funny how such an individually focused practice also creates a kind of group cohesion at the same time. Keep your connection and don't worry about anyone else in the room are common phrases throughout any practice, but in the end we all come to the same place, waiting for those final milestones and the sense of completion...together.
So tonight Ella is sick and has a fever and tomorrow I will more than likely keep her home. Needless to say, tomorrow will be a tough day working at home while she is sick, but I'm working on my arrangements to get to a later class, maybe even 8pm...that should be interesting.
1) Sywann read a passage in class today which ended with "what are you? awake, asleep or enlightened?" I enjoyed this passage and I'd like to start thinking of myself as learning to be awake...
2) My yoga practice itself will not eliminate the experience of stress in my life, it is a tool to heal my body...Today I realized I can create and allow myself to feel the stress emotion, so I need to learn how to control it and release it as well...
3) I CAN beat the heat
4) Subtle improvements in postures make me happy...patience is key